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More and more frequently I found myself alone in our penthouse in Cambridge, resentful of what at the time I thought was her obsessive career. When she was at home, she was always exhausted. She never refused me sex, but it was no better than necrophilia, and gradually I stopped bothering. I deeply regretted selling the house in Tiburon because I would have surely gone there. I doubt very much that separation would have shocked her into change, and divorce would have inevitably followed. I find myself wondering if that might have been best. But such thinking is futile. I did sell the house. I did stay in Cambridge. And we did stay together, if peculiarly. My life become one of memory and fantasy. Memories of days, nights, experiences, with Julie and Anne, and other women, some of whose names I could not even remember, some of whom I was surprised to realize I had known twenty or thirty years earlier, were incomparably more vivid than Lynn’s infrequent, wraithlike presence. I. I was curious what other girls saw in him as a lover. He was off-limits to me, and I knew it, but I still wanted to know. The others would tell me about him, and what it was like when they did it, and all I could do was listen.You get a lot of odd opportunities when there's a whole group of you in a room going at it, and while Rick and I never did it, I saw him come often enough, and he saw me naked enough, that we had very few illusions or questions about each other. Still, I wondered.About then Troy decided to experiment. Robin's birthday was coming up, and he wanted to surprise her, so he practiced on me.We were on the couch in a hotel room when he sprang his first surprise: he licked me in the opposite direction than I was used to. It felt ... It was hard to say. Normally guys lick toward your pearl, but he was headed for my entrance. I was suddenly a lot more aware of that place on my body than before. It felt good, and I encouraged him to practice more of it. He did, but only up.
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