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'I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. 'It's my fault, I made himangry. I killed him!'She gathered me in her arms and held me tight as I cried my heart out.'It wasn't you Peter. We found out that he had a drinking problem. Hisdoctor warned him earlier this year that if he did not stop, it wouldkill him. It had nothing to do with you. He was living on borrowedtime. Don't blame yourself. It just happened.'All this was too much for me. I felt desolate, lost and confused.Just then the doctor came in, saw what I was like and before I knew it,I felt a little stab of pain in my arm and I fell asleep, still cryingfor my lost father.When I woke up, it took me a while to realise where I was and then itall came flooding back. My father was dead and I would never see himagain. We had not had a really loving relationship. He found itdifficult to show affection. But I still loved him. I was so very sorrythat the last time I saw him was a time when I had made him so veryangry with me.Just then a. As soon as I heard the front door close, I ran tothe bathroom and dove for my toothbrush. Before I could eventhink about brushing I vomited into the toilet. I had never feltso degraded in my life. How could a person treat anyone as badlyas I had been treated over the past 8 hours? I grabbed somemouth wash and gargled trying to get the taste of urine out ofmy system, I felt so dirty.I turned on the shower and cleaned myself from top to bottom,filled an enema bag and made sure to douche myself thoroughly.I was concerned that Tim may have even given me some type ofSTD. I would have to go and get a blood test done to be totallysure that I was not infected. After the shower, I walked backinto what used to be my room and made the bed out of habit. Iknew I could not go to work today, there was no way I could seeanyone today, I was too embarrassed.I called my boss and let him know that I was coming down withthe flu and needed a couple of days to get my health back. Sinceit was Wednesday, he.
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