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I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good. Would you? Really?”I took the joint from her outstretched hand, and our icy fingers touched. “I'd love to,” I replied. “It'd be so much fun.”I looked back up at her face, just in time to see her leaning in to kiss me, her eyes closed, her plump lips puckered.I quickly met her mouth with mine and pressed my lips to hers. When she relaxed and opened her mouth slightly, I ran my tongue along her top lip. When she opened her mouth all the way, I plunged my tongue into it and moved my free hand up to her shoulder -- not quite on her neck, as I didn't want her to feel I was pulling her or holding her there, but enough to touch her soft brown hair, streaked with fiery blond and red.She had just started to nibble my bottom lip when the timer went off for the oven again.“Oh, shit,” she said as she hurried back inside and straight to the kitchen.I put out the joint in the ashtray, stomping my feet to warm them when I stood. Then I returned to the warm sanctuary of the house.The smell of fresh.
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