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Receptionist: How may I help you, sir?Me: My name is Mr. Holmes. I have an appointment at 2 pm.Receptionist: Yes, I believe we spoke on the phone. So good of you to come, Mr. Holmes. As is customary for all our new clients you’ll be asked to fill out a personal questionnaire.Fuck! A background check?Me: That will be a problem, I’m afraid, as I’m a private person by nature. A background check of any kind is unacceptable.Receptionist: No, no, I’m afraid you misunderstood, Mr. Holmes. We value our clients’ privacy very much. After all, we’re named Discreet.Me: Oh!Receptionist: It’s just a tool to determine whether a potential client and our company will be a successful match. We will destroy the results of the test later.Me: Hmm.Receptionist: We will never ask for personal information, like a home address. We do ask for immediate down payment of 2000 after the contract is signed.That’s pricey, and the test still sounds invasive. But if I don’t do it, I won’t find out what Mom is. John, can you come here please?” I asked.“I'm coming sweetheart,” John replied.He saw me and I didn't look so good as he could tell. Then he looked at the floor and put the two together.“You know when a man offers help to the bathroom, you take it,”John said as he came over to me and trying not to laugh.“I know, now we gotta go, smart ass,” I replied.Then he made sure to grab his phone and we slowly made our way to the car, then were off to the hospital. We made it there in about 10 minutes and we got me in there with my doctor. John made sure to call my mom and Jeanette, then he came back in the hospital. They just made it to little Jeanette being born. They cleaned her off and wrapped her up. Then the doctor handed her to me and everyone was eyeballing her.“You knew you were supposed to make sure we were ready when your water broke,” Jeanette said.“Little Jeanette, tell big Jeanette to shut it,” I replied.Then the spotlight was on little Jeanette. Granted my best friend Jeanette.
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