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”“I’m depressed Ian, how is listing to whiners whine about being more depressed than me going to make me feel better.”“Ahh, that is the reason I hand you the classics my negative minded friend. It’s only after Goth became popular that everyone started singing about death and vampires and shit like that. You need to let…”“Rozz Williams hung himself.” I said giving that time to sink in before saying, “It’s still depressing and I don’t wear black and paint spider webs on my face and pout for a living.”I had gone too far. I was pissed and lashing out. Ian was trying to be a friend and I was being an ass.“Sorry dude, here…” I held out my hand for the CD. Ian happily handed the CD over and seemed satisfied that he had spread the church of Goth.“Ian…” I asked, “Ian, do you ever feel like maybe you somehow did something like really karmically fucked up and your life is so whacked that you are like totally confused if you are paying for it or what?”“Like every day my beautiful Ophelia, every. “I'm all ears.”“I never got to see Elvis in concert. I want to go back in time to June 9th, 1972, at Madison Square Garden, both shows of course. I'm a big fan of the King of Rock n Roll.”She became visibly annoyed and sternly replied, “You can't travel back in time! If we allowed that, it would be a logistics nightmare. I'd be bogged down for eternity in paperwork!” She rolled her eyes and added, “Things are unbearable enough in Hell with all those Wall Street assholes, special interest lobbyists, politicians, and religious fanatics whining and complaining all day, without having to do more paperwork!”With a smirk, I said, “Seems like you need someone who can make Hell great again.”She hissed and pointed an accusatory finger at me, “No! Don't even mention his name!”I shook my head and sighed in disappointment, “That's extremely disappointing; not being able to travel back in time. It would have been badass to have 'I Sold My Soul For Rock and Roll' carved into my tombstone.” I.
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