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I didn’t want to fight with this guy. I almost accidentally killed someone in a fight like this, where the opponent was not even close as a match.He sat there on his knees, screaming silently in a tone barely audible.“First off,” I said, “I have never had sex with your wife. Secondly, I haven’t laid eyes on your wife in 22 years; she hasn’t laid eyes on me in 25. I don’t want to hurt you, but believe me, you are a featherweight less than amateur and I am a heavyweight seasoned street fighter. If you understand all of this and intend to stop trying to attack me, nod your head.”He nodded, and I released his hands.“Who the fuck are you?” he finally asked.“Johnathan Harris,” I said.“You’re Johnny?” he gasped.“Yes,” I said, extending my hand, “Pleasure to meet you.”He shook it woodenly.“I didn’t know you were so big,” he said.“I didn’t use to be,” I replied, “Do you usually act like such a jackass?”“I-”“It was a rhetorical question, man.”Suzie now looked steamed. I think she was. Jason shook his head, over a year later and he still couldn't quite believe his own dad could be such a cliche.He sighs hefting a box of video cassettes labeled Grandma's soaps. He's already been at this for hours and he's barely made a dent. And after he's done here he still had the garage to do and after that the attic as well.Muttering under his breath about the unfairness of the whole situation he shoulders open the basement door only to feel the overloaded box disintegrate in his hands. The contents spill out, clattering down the basement stairs in an avalanche of black plastic."Fuck!" he swears "Fucking unbelievable" Language Jason!" his mother scolds him from the kitchen "You may have been corrupted by your time away but I won't have you passing on that potty mouth to your sisters" Sorry, mom," he responds "It's just, ugh, never mind."He shakes his head at his mother's protective attitude, he knows that neither of his sisters is the innocent angel she seems to imagine them to.
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