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Indeed, I WANTED to be in that position with Ahmed, or with any other African immigrant male Alicia and I might know in the future.Though I know that not a small number of my fellow 'whites' (Caucasians, etc.) typically look at young African men like Ahmed with trepidation, and I think their feelings are justified, but not because I agree with their racist motivations for it, but because our long history of mistreatment and exploitation of Africa, and it's peoples, is so incredibly shameful. So, this particular form of trepidation arises (I think) out of an acknowledged, or unacknowledged, guilt for that! In fact, this is the single biggest motivator for both Alicia, and myself, for inviting Ahmed to get her pregnant---for, in doing so, our society, or world in general, will see that there are ways out of the poison and vitriol and secret fear that lies beneath all white supremacist (racist) rhetoric! To admit, openly, that whites have SO MUCH to atone for in regards to not just. Her father was some guy I met at a party and foolishly took back to my place when I'd had a few too many. He never even knew the result of our one night stand. With lots of help from my parents, I raised Becky myself. She turned out beautifully, an intelligent, sweet-natured girl with a delicious sense of humor, lovely as an April morning. Our relationship is very different from that of most mothers and daughters, though. Most people wouldn't understand the special love that Becky and I share, but I consider myself blessed. I know and have known for a long time that I'm sexually attracted to younger women, and have spent many late night hours pleasuring myself to fantasies of cute, nubile teenagers. I had a large collection of lesbian pornography on my computer, nearly all of it featuring teen girls -- especially erotic stories and photos of them engaged in love play with older women, which never failed to make me hot. I suppose it was inevitable that one day I would find myself.
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