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At first, I froze. My head swam with all the ways that I might please you. I could sense your impatience as I second-guessed myself, wondering exactly what it was that you wanted. Finally, you took pity on me. Holding my chin firmly in your hand, your eyes were not unkind as you spoke. "Breathe. You can do this." This was new to me. It was something I'd only recently discovered about myself. You'd seen it, and gently drawn it out, patiently teaching and helping me to understand that it was okay to want this; okay to want to submit myself totally to another person, to trust someone enough to give myself to them in this way. To trust and submit myself to you. I wouldn't fail you now. Looking up into your eyes, feeling vulnerable but knowing that I was safe, I slipped out of my blouse and bra and slowly sank to my knees, dropping kisses on your chest, your stomach, the thin line of hair leading into the waistband of your jeans. My nipples were hard and aching, though the room was warm.. "But nothing John." Bobbie never called me John unless she was really upset with me. "Get your head out and find out what's going on. If you love her make your point and discuss your problem with not seeing her more. If you don't love her then break it off. You don't need or deserve to be treated like this and she doesn't deserve to be led on. Thus ends my sermon," she said with a smile.Shortly afterwards she left and I spent the rest of the evening thinking about Amber, the changes in the relationship, and what I wanted to happen now. I didn't get much sleep that night but did come to a decision. I was going to be proactive at dinner Saturday night instead of just sitting back and letting things roll over me.Saturday morning after getting enough coffee to jump start my day, I continued thinking about my situation. Why didn't I or couldn't I imagine or think about a relationship with Amber much past school. I had never thought about marriage or what we were going to do after.
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