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When I was 9 years old I started collecting beer cans. As an only child, my parents would allow me a lot of leeway to do what I wanted. I would go out into the fields and dumpsters to find cans to add to my collection. I got this idea to start going through the thrash on my block every week in hopes of finding something new. I was hitting the block every week looking for cans when I found this one house that had just been cleaned out. It was a jackpot! Not of beer cans, but of porno magazines. Most of these were Playboy, but I dug through and found some "other", more graphic magazines. I grabbed as many as I could and hid them in the garage until I could sneak them into the house...Even some of the non-Playboy mags I found rather boring. But there were two that I really liked: The first was "GIRLS WHO EAT CUM", which showed me many ways a girl (or in my case, a young boy) could offer oral sex to an eager cock and benefit with the man shooting white stuff all over their faces. I’m weak that way, I’ll even go to a funeral I don’t want to be at to avoid an unpleasant confrontation. So there I was, in a black suit, sitting with a blank expression, hoping people will ignore me, fully aware this was not to be. ‘There you are!’ Why can’t that one just die? It was an aunt, or something like that, and she was talking to me about how lovely a boy he was. I can’t really remember his name to be honest. She was big, in a way you can only get with a combination of genetics and not caring. Not that it mattered what she looked like, but at least I would have something to avert the boredom if she had been a hottie. But she wasn’t, so there was nothing to prevent her from boring me to death. She had a piece of cheese stuck to the side of her mouth. It was disgusting. Ah, here comes the part where I have to respond, there’s a tone, when being talked at that indicates you are expected to say something. So I said ‘Hmm.’ in a deep, somber voice. It worked. She put her hand to.
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