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He had come home from a baseball game he pitched in. I remember having feelings for him, as he was a cute boy. I used to love seeing him in his baseball gear. I didn't know better that sisters aren't supposed to think about their brothers. I just knew I had feelings for him that were more than a sister would have. Mom was at the plant leaving us alone. I was in my room reading when I heard Alex come home. I was a small awkwardly shy 14 year old. I had long light brown hair that my mom always had in pigtails. My body was a skinny pale skinned frame. Alex was so handsome. He was tall for his age and at 15 the effects of puberty were evident. He was a ginger boy, red haired with faint freckles. Though he had his uniform on, he had taken his top off as he hit the stairs to come up to his room. I remember everything about that moment. His unusually heavy tuft of reddish armpit hair was sweaty. His uniform was dirty around his butt and crotch. He smelled stinky from this puberty thing I. In the past, in both my lives, I usually – well, eventually - fought off the darkness as it closed in on me. After gaining and losing everything, then gaining and losing everything again, there seemed to be no point in fighting any more. If Rebecca and Colleen could not wrap their minds around this, then I had to give them up, forever.I didn't know Carol had come in until I felt her arms go around my shoulders. She apparently peeked in and saw my tears and felt I needed a mother's love. "Shhhhh ... David ... it'll be Ok. IT takes time to figure these things out, but you have plenty of time. So let it work out slowly, and don't let the fear and sorrow become stronger and stronger."Your father is gone. He won't be coming back to hurt you anymore. You're healthy, even if your memory has taken a lunch break. You're young, strong, good looking, and healthy. It will come back, and if it doesn't, then it doesn't."That only means you get a pass for everything mean thing you ever did. You.
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