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I know this letter will hurt you. I think I can only guess the depth of the hurt. But if I pretend, if I go on and on asking you to wait, then I fear that slowly your heart would harden and you would resent me. I am a coward and I couldn’t bear that. Even though this letter will hurt, waiting just in case would be viciously cruel. I could never be cruel to you. I love you more than I will ever love any man.I am so sorry. My words seem trivial as I try to explain this to you. For all my education and learning I lack the words to tell you how desperately sorry I am.I’m going for interviews, but my heart is yours. I don’t think I can ever love again. Thank you my darling for being everything you have been to me. I so much wish I had been truly worthy of your love.In shame and in agony, and dare I say with my very deepest love.Megan.“No, oh God please NO!”The words struck him like a physical blow.There was no one else around to see his grief and pain and he let tears roll down his. They would live it down. But I couldn't keep my mind on anything else. I wanted to see them and didn't want to. I asked casually if anyone had seen them that morning.Around midmorning she sought me out in the bar, my pale administrator. She certainly was not creamy now, but washed out, almost pasty. She was trying to look nonchalant again, and again not doing a very good job of it. Her eyes were bloodshot. I think she hadn't slept. She always wore a little bright red lipstick, but not this morning.I was schmoozing with some other tour members. She stood beside and slightly behind me, sipping a diet coke, pretending to listen to people's stories, waiting for a time when attention was elsewhere. From time to time I turned to her to smile and nod in a friendly fashion, really wanting to talk with her, but she wouldn't look me in the face. Then she seemed to screw up her courage and bent to whisper to me, asking if I would come outside with her.We went out the back exit together, not.
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