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Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.SIMPLE TRUTH #2When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."the Five Rules to Remember in Life1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.AND A BONUS RULE:6. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex;A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!This one is compliments of johnRamblings of a Retired MindI found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady. Understand me, cunt?”Furious but realising she was unable to repel his advances Alexandra assented with a nod. Conan had a cinerary urn in his hands.“It’s her death day.”Alexandra was trying to undo the leather strap binding her wrists but it was hopeless. Conan was irked by her attempt to cast off her restraints, “Don’t move a muscle bitch. See the evil in my eyes.”His cruel eyes were black and fathomless and she ceased her struggle, hoping that the amount of booze he had sunk would render him senseless.“When you’re all alone,” Conan spluttered, convulsed by sobs, his face streaked with tears, “Here’s what you’ll keep saying.”He walked over to the table he had set up and cranked the ancient gramophone into life. The spectral echo of My Mammy filled the bunker. Hugging the ashes urn tight to her chest Conan mimed out of sync with the crackling 78.“Mammy, mammy, the sun shines east, the sun shines west, I know where the sun shines best…” Conan rolled Alexandra over so she was face.
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